Prelims

Finally, the week has ended. It's such a burden, to be honest. Having heavy content subjects on the first week is just... But at least, most subjects are already done. The only heavy content subjects left are probably E-Hist and Geog Paper 2. I hope everything would get in. O level oral on Monday and it is like... I have no idea what to study but it is okay, everything will be fine. I believe.

Note

Hey.

How have you been doing? Doing well or not? Are you happy now? With everything that you have. Is everything going your way as you wished? 

Honestly, I've no idea why I'm typing this. I've no idea why all of a sudden I feel this way. But I just want to tell you. No, I'm not doing fine. Struggling with my emotions and studies is tiring. I'm tired. Tired of everything. 

It hurts, you know? It hurts so much. I don't know why. But it hurts damn badly today. It hurts to know that you are just there and I had to act as if I didn't see you. It hurts to look away the moment we had eye contact. It hurts to know that you're probably happy and here I am typing all these shit. It hurts to know that we would never be able to get back to before. It hurts to know that we were once so close and now... Nothing. 

I told myself I shouldn't shed another tear for you. But tears listen to your heart and not your brain. No matter how much your brain says to not cry, your heart feels sad and that's when tears drop. I told myself that I wouldn't think about this anymore. I told myself that I should concentrate on my studies. But I just can't help to think about it. It's not something I can control. It's not something that I can simply lock it up and throw it aside. 

I wish it is. I wish it is that simple. Then maybe I wouldn't have to struggle so much. If only feelings are merely something that can be thrown away so easily, we wouldn't have so many problems such as heartbreak or tears. 

Maybe after tonight, after a good night's rest, everything will be alright. We'll just treat each other as strangers when we see each other in school. We'll just carry on with our lives and well, since the year is coming to an end and we're all gonna graduate soon, we'll just live our own lives. 

You gave me a sweet yet bitter secondary school life. I thank you for that. Sweet memories are worth keeping as a souvenir. And bitter memories are worth keeping as a lesson. I thank you for the little things that you've gave me. Your time. Your attention. Your care. Your friendship. But I guess this is the end. Even the prettiest flower would wilt and die. That's nature's way of telling us that nothing beautiful would last forever. This includes our friendship, isn't it?

I really hope that you would be happy. And that this would be my last time typing about this. I really don't wanna care anymore. I thought I had succeeded. But I guess I was wrong. I had no idea what got into me today. I guess I was just not used to the awkward eye contact that we're having. Fine. Let me just give myself some more time. Maybe that's what I need now. Time. To forget the fact that we were once best friends. 

One last note: Just stay happy.