Awkwardness

I have absolutely no way to express my hatred towards awkwardness. And what's worse is the fact that I hate it more if I'm the one that's awkward. But the thing is if you're not awkward with me, I don't see the need to be awkward. And yet, when one is awkward with me, I just seem to adopt a "heck-care" attitude. I don't know. It's irritating. I find it irritating too. Why do people have to be awkward with one another? Why does awkwardness even exists? Why can't we all be just free and joke around as and when we like?
I know that you wanted to take a picture. I saw it. And yet, I was avoiding it. Don't ask me why. Cos' I don't know. I just didn't want to. The atmosphere wasn't so bad and yet, after that, I just felt awkward. Like to the max. I've never felt so awkward, okay?
I'd rather you hate me. Do you understand? Why can't you just hate me? After all the things that I've done. You just want me to feel guilty, don't you? Damn it. I'm serious. I would really rather you hate me. I would rather not receive any of the presents. I would just rather be strangers. I don't know. A week holiday. And yet there's camp.
I need to talk to someone about this. I just can't. This sucks. Totally.