Feelings

If there's anything that I regret, it would be having an emotional attachment on you. It's not even a crush, like or even love, it's an emotional attachment. And this sucks so much. I'm just so used to ranting to you, so used to talking to you, so used to just having you around. And all of a sudden, you're just gone like that. Maybe partly it's my fault. But I really wished that back then you had just confronted me, scold me, do everything just to keep this relationship going. If only I realised this earlier, I'll probably would have done so much more.
I'm so afraid of trying. Cos' I'm afraid that the answer that I'm gonna get is something that I would dread. I don't know since when I start worrying that you might just hate me, that you just don't wanna talk to me. I'm so afraid that after trying, we just become strangers. But then, I'm so afraid that we would remain like this forever. It's contradicting, I know. If only I'm more thick-skinned, maybe, everything would be different.
I asked myself, "What if I met you first? Would everything become better?" If it would, I'd rather meet you first. Maybe things wouldn't be like this now. Maybe everything would be so much simpler and that we're all leading our happy lives. Maybe... And only maybe, things would be better.
If you ask me what I want now, my answer is that I don't know. I really don't. I don't even know what I'm feeling now or what I'm thinking now or what I really want. Everything is in a mess. I can't even sort out all my thoughts. Maybe all I need now is a rest. But then again, I might just think again tomorrow morning when I wake up.
I just wanna know. Exactly who am I to you? Exactly how important am I to you? Would the importance of me to you the same as how you are to me? Would we get back to before, remain the same, or simply become strangers with memory? Do you really care as much as I do? Or are you intending to give up or had already given up? So many questions, yet so many answers not answered.
Another thing. I'm so afraid of becoming attached again. This time to a different you. You just make me feel so secure. With you around, I feel so relax. I don't tell you my problems but yet, I feel like my problems are taken off my mind whenever I talk to you. I'm so afraid of this emotional attachment because I know I can't afford another drifting apart. I just wish that I can find out if it's really an attachment and just stop myself.
Emotional attachment is just so different from crushes. I can stop myself from crushing on you but I can't stop myself from being attached to you. Emotional attachment makes me feel so fragile. It's like you controlling my feelings. Whatever you do, I'm directly affected. I hate how my feelings waive cos' of you. And yet, you make me feel so secure. Emotional attachment is so sweet yet dangerous.

Short post(?)

Often, we would eye candy/crush on someone that we don't really know. It's only like or even love when you truly know that person, be it if it's their strengths or weaknesses, their likes or dislikes. You would accept their everything, including their weaknesses. So, at times, I would rather not know someone. Cos' that's when my impression of him/her change. (So I'd rather not know you, HAHA)
Had a small heart-to-heart talk with Lydia and well... It was great. Managed to vent out all my frustrations and well, it was a lovely talk.
And well, I just had to agree with her on one point. Girls are born insecure. Maybe it applies to only some. But I totally agree with it. If I don't feel secure with, you, I'm sorry but I would just walk away. I can never explain the meaning of 'secure' which is why it is hard to even explain why I would walk away. I just want a guy who can make me feel secure at times, is it that hard?

Results (Part 2)

Should have done this like a few days ago, but I was just too lazy and I didn't have the mood to do so.
Second part of the results were pretty good. Other than the one paper. First paper that I ever got for the day and it ruined my mood like shit. Failed SS and the thing is, just because I didn't write the question number, lol. But even if I did, I didn't score that well either. So my Combimed Humanities score got pulled down so badly.
Then is English. Well, I'm rather proud of myself for scoring rather well. It's been quite a while since I've passed English So, a B3 is rather unexpected ;) Oh oh, and I got to see him during English, hehe, I've no more regrets ^^v
Lastly Geog. Was expecting quite alot from GI but then again, I can't do GI, HAHA. Scored pretty well for Geog since I didn't really study for paper 2 and yet I still passed it!!
Overall, I did improve. I mean, for CTs, I failes three subjects. And now, I failed 1. My L1R5 improved by about 7. But then again, I don't think I did very good. It was quite an improvement but it isn't a big improvement. For now, I have the motivation to study any subject other than Physics and I really don't know why. I just felt like no matter how hard I study, I just cannot even manage a pass. I don't know. I'd probably need to find some motivation for my Physics. So let me just concentrate on my other subjects first.

Results

To say that I'm disappointed is probably an understatement. True, on the paper, I failed one subject. But to me, in my reality, I failed three subjects. I don't think my limit for E-Maths is merely a C5. If I can score better for my A-Maths, I don't see why my E-Maths can't. It's not the fact that I like comparing with him, it's probably the fact that you don't understand why I'm harping on it. Yeah, paper 2 for E-Maths was hard but so was A-Maths. So will it really kill to let me just rant about it?
Anyways, and Chem... Okay, so even Mr Yip says that Paper 1 was hard but even so, I don't think I should fail Section C. Chem is something that I should read up more but that tired feeling you get when you should study Chem is just...
And lastly Physics. Honestly, I really really really feel like dropping Physics. What's the point of studying so hard for that damn subject and each time, the results you get back, it's just a F9. They say that I don't look affected by my results. But really, is that so? I can say that I feel numb on getting these shit results, but in reality, it hurts more than anything.
I'm just not ready for the Os at all. But I wanna finish the Os ASAP. Tomorrow Geog and English. Wish me luck.

Over

Finally, after suffering for two weeks of MYE, which is simply hell, MYE is finally over! With only a few hours of sleep each day, reading through close to 20 chapters each time, memorising a list of formulas for just one paper, everything is finally over! And I'm just so glad xD
And well, another thing that is over it's probably the thought that our friendship will end. I will never think of that again. It's not gonna go through my mind every again. I just realise how important it is to cherish each and every one of your friends who are beside you. They are gonna be the one to be there if you're all alone out there without someone to lean on. Thankyou for making all my 11.11 wishes come true and definitely my birthday wish, thankyou, really.
Well, there's just something that I can' even bear to think about it. I never expected EXO to come to such a stage. It just happened too fast. It's only 2 years since their debut teaser videos and I just... You can't expect me to accept OT11 all of a sudden when I have been supporting OT12 from debut till now. I know, maybe this is all best for him. I want him to be happy. I don't want him to continue staying in that crap company, I mean, come on, all of us know that this isn't the first time that this is happening. But I'm selfish and greedy and I just want him to stay with all of us. Nothing is been confirmed yet, which is something I hate about SM. They never make any official statement until a long long time later. I just... I just wanna wake up the next day and hear the official statement saying that Kris isn't gonna leave EXO. He can't leave. Who's gonna be the Picasso of the group? Who's gonna be the one who speaks in English for international fans? Who's gonna talk crappy stuff such as "Chicken isn't my style"? EXO isn't EXO if they're short of one member. For now, I'm only gonna accept OT12 but if this is something Kris wants. If by leaving that shitty company (and not EXO), I'm gonna give him my blessings. I want him to be happy. 2 years isn't a long time but it isn't a short time either. Kris has been there for us, together with EXO. This time round, we're gonna be there for them. As much as I wanna send hugs over to them, I can't. So I sincerely hope that their friends and family would be there and comfort them cos' that's what we all want them to be now. Comforted and happy. #StayStrongEXO