Wishlist

Hmm... End of February and it's the start of March tomorrow. Time simply flies. After a blink of an eye, 2 months have just passed, just like that. Though time passes so slowly each day, when you look at an overall, it's as though time really can fly.
Hahas, since March is my birthday month, I should probably get a wishlist up but the thing is I don't really know what I want. I mean, I have nothing in mind in particular now (other than getting my voice back and that I can recover from this damn cold). But maybe just one thing. One thing... That I know is impossible...
To mend a broken friendship. Or wait, is that even broken? How do I put it? I don't know... But do you have any idea how important this friendship is to me? I don't know if it means equally important to you, but it just means so much that I can't help but be bothered by it. I often ask myself why do I even bother. Why do I feel bothered when you simply walk past me without a 'hi'? Why do I feel bothered when you don't talk to me? You're just another friend, aren't you? Wrong, you aren't just another friend. We were once so close, what happened? If there's anything that a wishlist can grant me, I would want this. I want us to go back to normal, to go back to the past, where we can crap about anything at anytime at anywhere. I want us to joke around, talk just like friends. I wanna go out with you to eat subway and bitch about people. I want our friendship back. Can I get that as my birthday present? Please...?

Memories :(

Walking past that road that we used to do in the morning when going to school brings back so many memories. To be honest, I wouldn't be so bothered in the past, but now. I miss those times. Alot. Back then, we had so much to talk about. We crap, we bitch about people, we crack jokes. Now, it's simply just a 'hi' or a 'bye'. I hate this. Alot. Why can't we be like before? But then again, I don't know how to start a topic with you now. Or should I say, since the start, I've never really started the topic and come to think of it now. I'm sorry. Really. I don't know if you feel this way. Hah. Maybe not.
拥有了就不会珍惜. That describes me. Really. When I don't have it, I'll complain and nagged about it over and over again. But when I have it, I won't cherish it at all. Maybe partly is just me being this way, causing us to be like this. But if both makes an effort to maintain the friendship, I'm sure this wouldn't happen. I don't want to leave this school with regret. And you seem to be the biggest problem. Can you please help me with it? I can't work on this problem. It takes two hands to clap. I really want you back in my life. Can we restart?

Regret

Don't you have those moments whereby you've said something and you just wished that you didn't say it? I have. Most of the time.
It comes to a point whereby I really hated myself for saying out what I really felt. Why can't I just shut my mouth about it? If I didn't say it, would there by a different ending?
I don't know. And all I know is that this is a contributing factor. The reason why we're awkward. The reason why things are just not the same. You seemed to be the one who caused it.
Why did I tell you to go talk to him about it? Why did I ask you to do it on my behalf? Why can't I just solve things by myself, without your help? Why? Why? Why?
You might think that you've helped me, but I on the other hand, feel like you've ruined it. Everything was supposed to be fine but now, it just isn't. Really, it just isn't.

I'm sorry :(

Yeah, I know, it's probably all my fault. All cos' of my temper, my stubborness and well, just me, that caused everything to be like that. I don't know... 5 months, close to half a year already. That's just how long it has been, and to be honest, I missed you alot. I don't wanna just say hello whenever we walked past each other, or smiles or just something small. I want us to go back like before. That close, talking over the phone, texting, talking crap, I want that.
I don't know if we can ever do that again. But I know that I want that. Very badly. I can talk to anyone or everyone, but opening up is another different thing. We were this close and now? Drifting apart is one thing I dread the most, but then again, is this caused by me? I guess. I'm sorry that everything became like that. I truly am. I don't know how I'm gonna make it up. Maybe one day we're gonna talk about this matter and laugh it off. Or maybe we're not gonna keep in touch anymore.
You're someone I can't lose. Really. You're one of those that I don't ever wanna lose. You're one of those that I wanna still keep in touch after Secondary School. You're one of those that are just precious to me. I miss you. I miss us. Doing everything - spending time at subway, talking crap over the phone, me complaining to you.We can talk about anything and everything. And now?
I know I should probably start doing something, and believe me I'll change, but somehow... It's just hard. I know you understand, which made me feel even bad. Let me just get my thoughts sorted out, maybe by then, we're gonna solve this? I really hope that we're gonna solve this. I want us back, can?
But for now, I just wanna apologise. For everything. I'm sorry for screwing things up. I'm sorry for causing this drift between us. You may not blame me, but I blame myself for all these. I'm sorry. I will try. I just need to get us back together.
I'm sorry. Really.

I just don't understand...

Title says it all. I just don't understand. Lol. Wtf has our conversation got to do with you? So what if I skipped training just to talk to him, do you have a problem? I wasn't even complaining when our HOD scolded us, cos' I know I was in the wrong. So what the hell do you wanna know? Does it have anything to do with you? Lol? You have no rights, absolutely no rights to interfere with anything. Wtf? You make me feel sick, totally.
But anyways, talking to him was simply NOT because I wanna skip training or whatsoever. I was helping Jingying, but I bet that will seem like an excuse to you, won't it? So, I don't think there's a need to explain so much to you, like, explain to me what's the point, when you are already biased against me? Ohplease, and I know that you are biased against me, like who the hell can't tell about that? But idgaf, I really don't.
And adding on to it, to you. I don't understand everything that's going on between us. I know that you're unhappy with me for talking to him. I know that, like who wouldn't be unhappy if one of your friends talk to the guy that you like. But please, I don't care what info you got, just clarify with me first before showing me 'face'. You say that things would be better with you soon, but get this straight, it's not just if you would get better, what about me? I don't think I deserve a freaking attitude from you. AT ALL. Like tell me wtf did I do? You merely listened to another person's POV and what about me? I intended to tell you, I really intended to tell you about our conversation, but after yesterday, I've no idea what to say to you. At all. You just make me feel awkward somehow.
Just gonna say this. Yes, I know I'm at fault. If people start scolding me about this, I wouldn't be angry at them, in fact, I will reflect. I know I've gone too far by skipping training and so on. But please, just give me my privacy. Who the fck do you think you are to interfere with my conversations with others? Regardless if you are helping someone, or if you are just curious, just respect my privacy. Cos' I will only respect people when I've received respect.

Tired :(

It's only like the first official week of school and I'm already tired. Maybe I've been stressing too much over the A Maths supp. exam that's on Saturday, but still, I just can't help but panic, though I think I've done alot. It's just..  I don't have confidence :( And then, the next big "exciting" event would be the release of O levels results and no, I don't wanna know my results. I just... I just can't :( What if I'm forced to drop HCL?! I don't knowwwwww~
But there's one good news in the entire week, and well, I can't help it but wait for camp to arrive. Somehow. But I still hate camps, hah. It's just... Okayy, I just hope things go smoothly for camp. I just need it to go smoothly for that 3D2N and I'll be happy enough, reallyyyy!!
And well, heard that you might wanna go Poly, regardless what it is, I wish you luck in whatever you do! ;)
So sick and tired of Maths now, that I just need a break from all this, but this is only the starting, lol. Oh and Geog, damn, I haven't start on anything. Can't I just drop Geog?

2014!!

So, this is the first post of 2014 and well, it seems that I haven't been blogging, so I'm backk ;) It's the official 2nd day of school and well... Let's just say things aren't really going to plan. I mean studies are rather on pace, but problems do arise and I just don't understand why.
I've been emphasizing on the fact that I hate awkwardness so often that I feel sick of saying it. People getting awkward with me for no reason makes me pekcek. But can you blame me? I don't understand why we're awkward. Is it because you feel like we don't give you a chance to talk about him? But then again, who can ever stop you from saying the things you wanna say? It's true though, that the topics simply run out easily and quickly if we don't talk about him. But what can I do? I've got absolutely nothing to talk about him and the things you talk about are like... I don't knowwww~ I don't wanna know, either. It's just the start of school, and this happen. And it seems as though it's my fault. Yes, I admit, I got pekcek with you, but that's because you started all these awkward things, like can you blame me for getting pekcek? But people should know that I can't tolerate awkwardness, or have you not been listening whenever I talk as usual? I don't know... I wanted 2014 to be a rather peaceful year so that I can focus on the Os and now? Really, I wouldn't be bothered anymore. Do whatever you like. Talk to us whenever you feel like it. Just do what you want.
And well, next Monday is the release of O level results and to be honest, I'm not looking forward to the day. Or should I say that I'm dreading that day :( You see, that day is the one and only day that I can ever see you and after that, I don't know when can I ever see you, or worse, I might not even see you anymore. But that's only part of the reason. And the other one is taking back Chinese O level results, like, can I don't take back my results? What if I don't get an A1? What if I'm force to drop HCL after studying it for the past few years? I'm really afraid of getting back the results and seeing the marks I get, it's scaryyyyy :/
And maybe I should say some things about Media camp, hahas, no, I'm not looking forward to this camp anymore. Like, it's just very sian. Or should I say I always hated camps, having the suckish groupings and you have to spend the next few days with the group, it's just... Arghhhh :/ And then, this year, most likely I'll be the mentor, and well, I don't expect a camp comm position, hah, but still... I just hate camp. :(
2014 please just be a good year for me. I don't expect much just... Be good for me, and the O level results and taking of O level examinations. It's just stressing, so 2014 please be a good year x.x