Hehe, had interclass games for these 2 days, and I have serious muscle ache, oh gosh :( Well, to tell the truth, I've never played so... Serious for floorball before. But well, got into Top 5 but not Top 3, arghhh, so pekcek :( And this is the first time I've seen people like Comane and Kai Tian playing so serious, hahas, those slackers xD
Interclass games were rather fun, I think my forte is floorball ^^ Well, it is better than netball, but the netball girls got 3rd *claps* Hehe, and the soccer guys got 2nd, woah~ Hehehe, loved these 2 days to the max, at least, it wasn't that bad ;)
Today's CCA was really rather fun ^^ Had so much fun with Zolven setting up the mic stands, well at least we did crack some jokes, though he was being so mean, hahas. And had some fun with bubble wrap, hehehehe, I love bubble wraps!!!! ^^ Gosh, so childish, hahas, but it is really fun, everyone plays with bubble wrap, regardless of the age, blehhh~ Sooooo, CCA was not that bad, but to think that I have duty with her is a major turn-off, but at least I have company, so it shouldn't be that bad. Really, till now, whatever she does just... Arghhh, no, not thinking about it :x
I guess, there's nothing much to talk about, maybe the fact that we're getting back report book next Tuesday is seriously scary :( There are a handful of people going to retain, handful!!! Gosh, I really really really hope that it's not me. I mean, I swear, I'll work double, triple, a hundred times harder, I just want to pass this year and promote x.x
And well, Os is next Monday, I hope you have faith in yourself, I know you can do it! I'm not going to expect much, but yeah, seeing you in school would just be a bonus for me, hahas~
Now, for my ranting. I guess, this would be the only platform for me to rant about this, since... Tumblr isn't that safe now :/
It comes to a point whereby all relationships, be it between friends, families or couples, the parties involved would 习惯变自然. It's like cos' you're so used to just taking, you grow so used to it, that it comes to a point whereby you stop giving and constantly taking. But really, is that a true relationship? You know, it's getting on my nerves for these two days. Really. I've grown used to you talking to others and well, I just had to be alone or maybe find someone else, and it's only in class when you would come talk to me. You say that you wouldn't find someone else find someone in a conversation. But is it true? Ever heard of 当局者迷, 旁观者清? That's what you say, how would you know if it's truth? Is it even reliable? I don't know. Just because I don't say, you just treat it as nothing. Fine. I don't mind, really. But then, when I stop caring, or stop being like before, you think I've changed? How is that even changing? I'm still caring, but I stop showing, why? Cos' I'm just sick of it. I'm always the one starting to show concern. I know you're insensitive, or maybe you just don't show it, but really, have you ever thought that those sarcastic remarks, those insensitive-ness, those "uncaring" actions, just make me feel how used I am? I don't know. I don't even know what I'm feeling right now.
You should know that I'm not feeling well for these two days. Since Wednesday, I've been falling sick. Fine, I don't mind if you don't show your concern. But can you be more sensitive. I don't talk, doesn't mean you've become mute. Why can't you freaking hell start talking? Then we get that awkward silence. And it has been a few days that we get that awkward silence, don't you think that's a bit unusual? I can joke around with others, but when it comes to you, it just gets awkward. HAHA. Then later you complain that I can joke around with others, but I'm cold towards you. Ever wonder why?
It seems as if everything is my fault. Come to think of it, maybe. Maybe I tolerated, and continue giving, these wouldn't have happened? Maybe if I didn't type out that Tumblr post, and act as if everything is alright, these wouldn't have happened? But I'm tired. Really tired. You don't understand. Whenever I joke about these kind of stuffs, I really hope that maybe it would get into you, just that little bit. But then again, being the insensitive you, you would probably just throw it aside.
What hurts me the most is, I really don't think I'm worth over a guy. That guy. Just that one guy. Yeah, he's the most important to you now. He's everything to you, I know. That Wednesday, after getting back the results slip, you knew I was upset. You said it was a slip of your mind, when you were spazzing over that guy while I was emo-ing over my results slip. But if you truly care, there wouldn't be a "slip of your mind". You don't see me spazzing over guys when my friends are upset over something, do you? You don't see me going crazy over guys when my friends are already on the verge of tears, do you?
Then, we went back, and well, I faked a smile. Key word: faked. No one, not even you, seem to caught it. But I guess, I'm fine with it. And when we were left alone again, you just kept quiet. Maybe you felt guilty, or what, I don't know, and to be honest, I don't care. You are beginning to be more like them. Guys. Are they really that important? I guess, I'm never going to worth over a guy.
I've learnt that, Guys would always be more important than me. And your matters would always be the top priority than followed by mine. And well, I should always be happy, always caring, so that there wouldn't be anything for you to criticise. But I've got something to tell you. I'm tired. Really tired. But I guess you would never understand.
Ranting about this, cos' I know I have to. You can be joking around with them, and yet, you just become cold to me. You may say that I started it first, but have you ever wondered why? I doubt so. Why? Cos' I shouldn't even be feeling like this. To continue pleasing you, to continue caring, is my job.
Friendship. Guys. Which one would you choose? Or should I ask... Him or me? I guess, despite what, I know the answer.
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