Thoughts.

Looking back at those posts, I kindda feel stupid but at the same time, I feel that I've grown quite alot. I've learnt alot from different situations and though I still have alot of weaknesses (duh, no one is perfect), I feel that I've improve alot.
It's sad to know that you have drifted away from your close friends. Like really close and best friends. The ones who you simply can't live without during school. The ones who you can't stay angry at for long because you have that much gossip to talk about. The ones who you thought would be with you forever. I was wrong. I didn't realise that I was so easily replaceable.
I know that you like him alot and that it probably took quite alot of time for you guys to get to the position you guys are at now. But please, learn to manage your time well. During mock test, you say that you didn't see him for a long time, fine, have lunch with him. But are you trying to tell me that throughout the WHOLE O level period you didn't have a chance to see him AT ALL?! What a joke. You say that you care. But I doubt you do. So I don't see a point at all. This friendship is going nowhere. It's at a point of sinking and no one can ever save it. Ohwell.
I know that you probably have LOTS of friends and that you have to ATTEND to EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. But really. I honestly feel that we aren't like before anymore. You say that we should have honesty hour during heart-to-heart-talks but really, the one that is being dishonest is you. I really think that you were just trying to get info from me. Fine, I tell you since I honestly have nothing to hide. But really, where the hell is this friendship going? You are constantly trying to hide things from me and that you don't wanna tell me anything (maybe cos' I was kindda harsh before) but still... What's the point of this friendship when I constantly have to act like I don't know but actually I know. (It's kindda tiring, you know?)
This year hasn't really been a successful (or peaceful) year as I had wanted from the start. But really, good things still happen.
Be it if it's Angie, Xuan or even Yunjing, we've gotten a lot more closer and honestly, I'm thankful. Thankful that therr is always someone there to hear me rant without complaining (maybe Angie and Xuan does, LOL). But we've gotten a lot closer, we've known each other so much better and I am thankful. Maybe it is all fate. Having to lose some so you can find better.
People change. Things change. Only memories don't change. And that is the saddest thing in life. When we look back to the photos that we have taken; the photos that contain so much memories back then; the photos that show the people that have changed. Maybe we shouldn't have taken those pictures to make ourselves remember about the past that can never be found again.
2014 is coming to an end. Time really flies. I've always said that I wanna restart life from 2013. And I still do. If I'm back in 2013, I'll change alot of things. I wouldn't take people for granted anymore. I wouldn't simply just PMS and ruin friendships. I would cherish every single one of the people in my life. 失去了才懂得珍惜. It's a sad yet correct sentence to describe my life right from the start.
10, 20 years down the road, would we still remember each other? Would we still be able to see each other? I doubt so. Maybe we can by coincidence. But really. What are the chances? We never know what is the future gonna behold but what we can do now is to cherish the present and learn from the past.

Memories.

I want to re-live those moments. Those times. When we can tell each other anything we want. I don't know the recent messages seem like there are some things being held back. Please. Just once. I just wanna re-live them again. Like... Initiate it and I would not end it.

Rant

Honestly, tumblr (and K-Pop) used to be a fun escape from me. Like whenever I'm upset and when I opened the tumblr app, I would be able to see things that can cheer me up. But now... 2014 is really not a year for K-Pop and just a reminder that the year hasnt ended.
Just look at SME. LOL. The whole thing probably started with Kris. Then Sulli, then Jessica, then Luhan and now Sungmin. Like. Okay. Kris left. Sulli had to temporarily take a brrak. Jessica got kicked out. Luhan is filing a lawsuit. And Sungmin is getting married. Out of all these dramas, I'm probably happiest about Sungmin's. But really. Some fans are just getting on my nerves.
If the boy wants to marry, just let him be. I don't care if you knew about this way beforehand or whatsoever. And whoever spread to the media about this is also at fault. You argue that Sungmin has already start planning in May or so. But then again, who is he to you to report his schedule to you? True, he's your bias, an idol, but don't idols have privacy too? You argue that he should have told us himself. But then again, what if he was intending to? Just that the person or whoever the media found it out from just beat him to it? Besides, he has every rights to hide it from us to protect his bride.
Like excuse me? His bride was being bullied. I never understood how can people change from a fan to a hater. Like. That person was once your bias. That person was once the source of your happiness. That person was once the one you go crazy over. And now? You're calling him names, spreading malicious rumours. I don't know. It's scary to think about it. Don't you think so?
I don't really care what others say. And I'm being honest here. I not only want Sungmin to marry. I want the rest of them to find someone that they truly love and that would take good care of them as soon as possible. I'm a Eunhyuk-biased and really, if this was Eunhyuk, I would have given him my blessing.
I just want this thing to die down asap. I don't wanna log in to tumblr and see a whole lot of shit again. It's really tiring. A palce that once gave you so much happiness and now, it's tiring to even look at it.
Also, 2014 should end asap too. Look at the number of things that had happened. It's scary and upsetting at the same time. Just... No more things. Really. Not only from SME. No more drama from any K-Pop groups. Just let the rest of 2014 passed by quickly and quietly.

Sigh

People are just so funny at times. They say they've let go but honestly, they didn't. We merely just bury those thoughts at the back of our minds wishing that they would slowly rot away. But would it? Really?
To say that I've totally learnt to let go is probably a lie. Trying to keep everything to myself and wished that one day, whatever that I've been pretending would come true. Which in this sense is forgetting you.
I don't know. It comes to a point that I'm probably numb to everything. I can joke around whenever I hear your name. Cos' deep down I know, that should be the way. I shouldn't even be typing all these. But here I am. 1.43am. After reading other tumblr posts. I'm typing all these.
We all wanna let go. It's too much for us to continue holding on. It's tiring and the worst part is we know that the other party is just happy without us. That all of these holding on is gonna lead us to nowhere.
No wonder they say, your thoughts can eat you alive when at night. This is so true.

Graduation

People who made my 4 years in Xinmin a memorable one!
It's amazing how time flies and it just seems like yesterday when we were all Sec 1 and entering the school innocently, when we don't know almost everyone in our class, and now, look at us. We've grown. We've changed (to the better side, of course). And most importantly, we've learnt. Be it if it's academic wise or life wise, we've all learnt something in school.
We've met many people. Some stayed. Some left. And those who stayed are those who really made my life in Xinmin a memorable one, they had gone through my ups with me and had stayed with me through my downs, for that I'm very thankful. And for those who left, it will always be a memort etched in my heart and that I had learnt a lesson from you, so I'm still thankful for that. Nonetheless, people that I've met in Xinmin were fabulous and I would always remember them.
They say that secondary school friends last the longest. I didn't believe that at first. But now, I probably do. They are the ones who truly understands you and knows exactly all your problems. What problems can you actually have in primary school? Haha. I will miss them so much that even though a day had just past, and I missed them already.
I always say that I wanna leave Xinmin asap. And I still do now. But honestly, I just wanna start my life all over again. I did many stupid things here and I wished I could rewind and change them (but it's impossible) and well, that's why I wanted to leave Xinmin so badly. But yesterday, it has come to a point whereby I didn't wanna leave the school premises. Let's all be honest, what's gonna happen after we officially graduate? No more sucky canteen food, no more flag raising that we probably dread the most, no more stairs (that I hate the most), no more going into class and start gossiping with your table mate, no more this and no more that. We say that we hate school, but deep down, by the end of the day, we all know that we would miss school. Be it if it's the teachers or our friends or a particular someone in our hearts, we would miss Xinmin. Cos' Xinmin is a place the gave us so many memorable memories. Cos' Xinmin is a place where we have so many shared memories. Cos' Xinmin is our second home. 😢😢😢

Rejection

We're just afraid to try cos' of rejection. It's not because we do not want to try, it's not because we can't try. We would try, if we're not afraid of rejection. To think of it, if we're all not afraid of rejection, wouldn't things be so much better? We would be able to express ourselves to the person we like with courage, without caring if he/she would reject us. We would be able to make things up with the people we care without caring if they would reject us.
I would try if I weren't so afraid of rejection. The worst thing that can ever happen is when you had already plucked out so much courage to do something and that you got rejected. The feeling is really unbearable. You would start to question why did you even bother trying? If trying doesn't work then what's the point?
Rejection hurts like hell. In all context.

Prelims result (1)

Okay. I seriously have to rant about this because I honestly... 1 mark. Just 1 more mark to pass Physics. I mean, how 冤枉 can this be? It's feeling so much worse than needing 1 more mark to get to the next grade. I never had high hopes for Physics. I just want a pass. And honestly.. I think I did studied for this. It's just... Arghhhh. Damn it.
Other than that, at least I improved for E-Maths. Chinese 实用文 was kindda good. English Paper 2 was a little disappointing but Paper 3 and Paper 1 was rather okay. E-Hist was better than before. At least I managed to score for both SBQ and SEQ. I just need to improve on the content (and definitely the handwriting, HAHAHA). Didn't failed Chem when I thought I would. Okay, that's a good sign. But I needed 1 more mark to get to C5. Whatever, this feels so much better than Physics.
The papers today were relatively okay (except for Physics) but then again, it's not my best. I just need to work so much more harder for O levels. And to be honest, I'm starting to feel the pressure. Argh. Last lap. Last lap, jiayous!

Prelims

Finally, the week has ended. It's such a burden, to be honest. Having heavy content subjects on the first week is just... But at least, most subjects are already done. The only heavy content subjects left are probably E-Hist and Geog Paper 2. I hope everything would get in. O level oral on Monday and it is like... I have no idea what to study but it is okay, everything will be fine. I believe.

Note

Hey.

How have you been doing? Doing well or not? Are you happy now? With everything that you have. Is everything going your way as you wished? 

Honestly, I've no idea why I'm typing this. I've no idea why all of a sudden I feel this way. But I just want to tell you. No, I'm not doing fine. Struggling with my emotions and studies is tiring. I'm tired. Tired of everything. 

It hurts, you know? It hurts so much. I don't know why. But it hurts damn badly today. It hurts to know that you are just there and I had to act as if I didn't see you. It hurts to look away the moment we had eye contact. It hurts to know that you're probably happy and here I am typing all these shit. It hurts to know that we would never be able to get back to before. It hurts to know that we were once so close and now... Nothing. 

I told myself I shouldn't shed another tear for you. But tears listen to your heart and not your brain. No matter how much your brain says to not cry, your heart feels sad and that's when tears drop. I told myself that I wouldn't think about this anymore. I told myself that I should concentrate on my studies. But I just can't help to think about it. It's not something I can control. It's not something that I can simply lock it up and throw it aside. 

I wish it is. I wish it is that simple. Then maybe I wouldn't have to struggle so much. If only feelings are merely something that can be thrown away so easily, we wouldn't have so many problems such as heartbreak or tears. 

Maybe after tonight, after a good night's rest, everything will be alright. We'll just treat each other as strangers when we see each other in school. We'll just carry on with our lives and well, since the year is coming to an end and we're all gonna graduate soon, we'll just live our own lives. 

You gave me a sweet yet bitter secondary school life. I thank you for that. Sweet memories are worth keeping as a souvenir. And bitter memories are worth keeping as a lesson. I thank you for the little things that you've gave me. Your time. Your attention. Your care. Your friendship. But I guess this is the end. Even the prettiest flower would wilt and die. That's nature's way of telling us that nothing beautiful would last forever. This includes our friendship, isn't it?

I really hope that you would be happy. And that this would be my last time typing about this. I really don't wanna care anymore. I thought I had succeeded. But I guess I was wrong. I had no idea what got into me today. I guess I was just not used to the awkward eye contact that we're having. Fine. Let me just give myself some more time. Maybe that's what I need now. Time. To forget the fact that we were once best friends. 

One last note: Just stay happy. 

AGM

Didn't get to attend AGM last year but though I wouldn't say I enjoy AGM alot this year but still, I had my fun.
It was fun taking pictures with Sec 2s, I mean, honestly, compared to the rest of the juniors, I feel so much comfortable with them. Maybe that's why I only took pictures with them. And well, of course, the Sec 4s! Came in with them since the start and well, we all enjoyed ourselves ;) Not sure if I would attend AGM next year but well, I guess, it could be another fun day!
AGM marks the last day of attending CCA. But it also marks the drawing of O levels. To say that I'm not afraid of Os is probably a lie. But then again, what other choice do I have. To be honest, I just wanna get this year over and done with. But if I were to attend JC, it will just be another 2 years of hell. Gosh. I really don't know what to choose. But the choices can wait, all I have to do now, is to carry on with this battle that I've been preparing for the past 4 years.

Break

A week at Malaysia and I've never felt this refreshed before. Though I have trouble sleeping, which means waking up at 3-4 plus everyday, but I enjoy the time there. Had a fun time with the kids, hahaha, especially the youngest. He's like so damn cute, okay! Went shopping and I felt like this is the first time I had really bought the things I wanted! I really can't wait for year-end to come! I can spend the time there as much as I want ;)
And the only problem now is the homework that I have to do. I always tell myself not to wait till the last week to finish them, but I guess it's a habit already, argh x.x And the physics work that I have to show Mr Tang on 1st July. Gosh, how am I supposed to finish them?!
I should really stop watching all shows and variety shows, I'll never be able to finish my work on time.

Tears

It's never easy to simply let people leave you, leave your life. We all wanna cherish them, especially important people, in our lives. But if Life decides to let them leave you, I guess, the only way is to let them leave. There's no point on holding on to people who don't belong here, in our lives. We may think that we would regret soon, but let's just worry about that afterwards.
Happy endings. Are we all waiting for our own happy endings? What if.. We can never get our happy endings? Or should I say the endings that we classify as happy? Two books. Two different love stories. And yet, I don't think that this is the ending that I wanna read.
It all comes down to who's by your side. - A Walk to Remember (Nicholas Sparks)
Forever is a promise to keep. - The Lost Valentine (James Michael Pratt)
These two books made me think so much about everything that I have. These two books made me realise that we should just cherish whoever, whatever we have in life now, and not make ourselves regret. No matter how big our problems now are, we should never give up. We would soon realise that, sometimes by preserving, we would get the best outcome, even if we don't get the outcome we want. Afterall, many years down the road, we can proudly tell ourselves, "I tried. That's all that matters."

Feelings

If there's anything that I regret, it would be having an emotional attachment on you. It's not even a crush, like or even love, it's an emotional attachment. And this sucks so much. I'm just so used to ranting to you, so used to talking to you, so used to just having you around. And all of a sudden, you're just gone like that. Maybe partly it's my fault. But I really wished that back then you had just confronted me, scold me, do everything just to keep this relationship going. If only I realised this earlier, I'll probably would have done so much more.
I'm so afraid of trying. Cos' I'm afraid that the answer that I'm gonna get is something that I would dread. I don't know since when I start worrying that you might just hate me, that you just don't wanna talk to me. I'm so afraid that after trying, we just become strangers. But then, I'm so afraid that we would remain like this forever. It's contradicting, I know. If only I'm more thick-skinned, maybe, everything would be different.
I asked myself, "What if I met you first? Would everything become better?" If it would, I'd rather meet you first. Maybe things wouldn't be like this now. Maybe everything would be so much simpler and that we're all leading our happy lives. Maybe... And only maybe, things would be better.
If you ask me what I want now, my answer is that I don't know. I really don't. I don't even know what I'm feeling now or what I'm thinking now or what I really want. Everything is in a mess. I can't even sort out all my thoughts. Maybe all I need now is a rest. But then again, I might just think again tomorrow morning when I wake up.
I just wanna know. Exactly who am I to you? Exactly how important am I to you? Would the importance of me to you the same as how you are to me? Would we get back to before, remain the same, or simply become strangers with memory? Do you really care as much as I do? Or are you intending to give up or had already given up? So many questions, yet so many answers not answered.
Another thing. I'm so afraid of becoming attached again. This time to a different you. You just make me feel so secure. With you around, I feel so relax. I don't tell you my problems but yet, I feel like my problems are taken off my mind whenever I talk to you. I'm so afraid of this emotional attachment because I know I can't afford another drifting apart. I just wish that I can find out if it's really an attachment and just stop myself.
Emotional attachment is just so different from crushes. I can stop myself from crushing on you but I can't stop myself from being attached to you. Emotional attachment makes me feel so fragile. It's like you controlling my feelings. Whatever you do, I'm directly affected. I hate how my feelings waive cos' of you. And yet, you make me feel so secure. Emotional attachment is so sweet yet dangerous.

Short post(?)

Often, we would eye candy/crush on someone that we don't really know. It's only like or even love when you truly know that person, be it if it's their strengths or weaknesses, their likes or dislikes. You would accept their everything, including their weaknesses. So, at times, I would rather not know someone. Cos' that's when my impression of him/her change. (So I'd rather not know you, HAHA)
Had a small heart-to-heart talk with Lydia and well... It was great. Managed to vent out all my frustrations and well, it was a lovely talk.
And well, I just had to agree with her on one point. Girls are born insecure. Maybe it applies to only some. But I totally agree with it. If I don't feel secure with, you, I'm sorry but I would just walk away. I can never explain the meaning of 'secure' which is why it is hard to even explain why I would walk away. I just want a guy who can make me feel secure at times, is it that hard?

Results (Part 2)

Should have done this like a few days ago, but I was just too lazy and I didn't have the mood to do so.
Second part of the results were pretty good. Other than the one paper. First paper that I ever got for the day and it ruined my mood like shit. Failed SS and the thing is, just because I didn't write the question number, lol. But even if I did, I didn't score that well either. So my Combimed Humanities score got pulled down so badly.
Then is English. Well, I'm rather proud of myself for scoring rather well. It's been quite a while since I've passed English So, a B3 is rather unexpected ;) Oh oh, and I got to see him during English, hehe, I've no more regrets ^^v
Lastly Geog. Was expecting quite alot from GI but then again, I can't do GI, HAHA. Scored pretty well for Geog since I didn't really study for paper 2 and yet I still passed it!!
Overall, I did improve. I mean, for CTs, I failes three subjects. And now, I failed 1. My L1R5 improved by about 7. But then again, I don't think I did very good. It was quite an improvement but it isn't a big improvement. For now, I have the motivation to study any subject other than Physics and I really don't know why. I just felt like no matter how hard I study, I just cannot even manage a pass. I don't know. I'd probably need to find some motivation for my Physics. So let me just concentrate on my other subjects first.

Results

To say that I'm disappointed is probably an understatement. True, on the paper, I failed one subject. But to me, in my reality, I failed three subjects. I don't think my limit for E-Maths is merely a C5. If I can score better for my A-Maths, I don't see why my E-Maths can't. It's not the fact that I like comparing with him, it's probably the fact that you don't understand why I'm harping on it. Yeah, paper 2 for E-Maths was hard but so was A-Maths. So will it really kill to let me just rant about it?
Anyways, and Chem... Okay, so even Mr Yip says that Paper 1 was hard but even so, I don't think I should fail Section C. Chem is something that I should read up more but that tired feeling you get when you should study Chem is just...
And lastly Physics. Honestly, I really really really feel like dropping Physics. What's the point of studying so hard for that damn subject and each time, the results you get back, it's just a F9. They say that I don't look affected by my results. But really, is that so? I can say that I feel numb on getting these shit results, but in reality, it hurts more than anything.
I'm just not ready for the Os at all. But I wanna finish the Os ASAP. Tomorrow Geog and English. Wish me luck.

Over

Finally, after suffering for two weeks of MYE, which is simply hell, MYE is finally over! With only a few hours of sleep each day, reading through close to 20 chapters each time, memorising a list of formulas for just one paper, everything is finally over! And I'm just so glad xD
And well, another thing that is over it's probably the thought that our friendship will end. I will never think of that again. It's not gonna go through my mind every again. I just realise how important it is to cherish each and every one of your friends who are beside you. They are gonna be the one to be there if you're all alone out there without someone to lean on. Thankyou for making all my 11.11 wishes come true and definitely my birthday wish, thankyou, really.
Well, there's just something that I can' even bear to think about it. I never expected EXO to come to such a stage. It just happened too fast. It's only 2 years since their debut teaser videos and I just... You can't expect me to accept OT11 all of a sudden when I have been supporting OT12 from debut till now. I know, maybe this is all best for him. I want him to be happy. I don't want him to continue staying in that crap company, I mean, come on, all of us know that this isn't the first time that this is happening. But I'm selfish and greedy and I just want him to stay with all of us. Nothing is been confirmed yet, which is something I hate about SM. They never make any official statement until a long long time later. I just... I just wanna wake up the next day and hear the official statement saying that Kris isn't gonna leave EXO. He can't leave. Who's gonna be the Picasso of the group? Who's gonna be the one who speaks in English for international fans? Who's gonna talk crappy stuff such as "Chicken isn't my style"? EXO isn't EXO if they're short of one member. For now, I'm only gonna accept OT12 but if this is something Kris wants. If by leaving that shitty company (and not EXO), I'm gonna give him my blessings. I want him to be happy. 2 years isn't a long time but it isn't a short time either. Kris has been there for us, together with EXO. This time round, we're gonna be there for them. As much as I wanna send hugs over to them, I can't. So I sincerely hope that their friends and family would be there and comfort them cos' that's what we all want them to be now. Comforted and happy. #StayStrongEXO

Realisation.

It's only now then I realised why I can't open up to others that easily now. It's because I never wanted others to replace you, to take up that space in my heart. You are just that important. With so many things going on, I often have that urge to just text you and rant to you. Regardless if I'm happy or sad or angry, I wanna share it with you. Maybe you wouldn't care anymore. Maybe you would just ignore me. But that's what I'm feeling now. I don't want to have another close friend that isn't you. It's dumb. Holding on to this, but I can't help it. You are important to me.

Pekcek.

I can understand if you're uncomfortable for the first few times. But if you're gonna show me attitude cos' of this matter in the future, I'll never be able to understand. Are you trying to tell me that you're gonna forsake our friendship cos' of a guy? Are you trying to say that our friendship is nothing compared to one guy? If that's the case, I don't see the point of being friends. I'm not gonna stand any more nonsense cos' of this. If you wanna talk to me tomorrow, I can talk to you. But after tomorrow, I'll just forsake this friendship cos' I don't see the point. For your information, I don't just give up on a friendship cos' that's when I really give up. Once I give up, there's no turning back. Just saying.

Melizo ♥

Had a wonderful day! Lydia, Lixuan and Jingying came over to my house (and starred commenting on how cute my family was except for me x.x) and we had lunch ;) Afterwards, we started slacking and nua-ing at my house while we started playing UNO and stress, hahas xD So we decided to leave about 6.30 just in case we were late, but apparently we were late to meet Xinyun and Comane, oops x.x And seriously, I wouldn't have the confidence whenever I walk out of the house wearing a dress or a skirt (except for school uniform) T.T So we went over to PLMGS and well, the seating arrangement was kindda screwed but we couldn't help it since we were late so had to sit right at the left and I seriously can't help but spazz at the pianist whenever he plays. It's like guys who play the piano!! ♥.♥ And we went to take pictures during intermission and after Melizo! It was a great night with the wonderful performance put up by choir! /thumbs up/
Most probably going to Drama Night since Yunjing is probably gonna be a big part of it, but that would be after MYE, ohwell, had to focus on examinations now. But seriously, I have no motivation to study at all. 19 chapters for Physics, HAH.

Untitled x.x

I don't know why I'm typing on this matter again. It seems like I just can't forget about this. Or maybe I don't wanna admit that it's the end.
You know, I never stopped caring. I really never. But it seems that you have so many people by your side to care for you that my care just simply means nothing to you. You make me feel this way since don't know when. And to be honest, I don't know what am I feeling. Hurt? Upset?
It's hard for me to open up to people. I feel like I'm burdening them. You are probably one of the ones that I can just open up to without any worries. I find myself unable to open up to others that easily anymore. Is it cos' of you? I don't want to open up to someone and later to find myself being stranded alone again.
I should let go. To you, I'm just another girl. To me, you are just another guy. But a close guy friend that I know I won't be able to replace with.
I miss you. I miss us. I miss the times we spent. I miss the places we went. I can never look at the places we went before like how I did from the start. I really miss you. And I'm sorry I screwed up so badly. I don't think I'm gonna get another chance. Maybe one day, when we think back to this time, we will be sitting together and laughing it off together. Or maybe this will just be another painful memory of secondary school life.

Homecoming!

Took more photos than this, but I'm lazy to post, hehe ✌
So with only 4 hours of sleep, I went to do Speech Day duty as the IC, wow! But then, it was a job well done!! ������
Had quite some fun during Homecoming though I felt quite abandoned :( But still, it was our last Homecoming so must make full good use of our time!! Took polaroids from service booths and ate cotton candy! I wanted to try the haunted house but it always had that long queue and I'm just lazy, hehe x.x
Last Homecoming and I was glad that I didn't make nyself regret anything, hehe ^^ Well, maybe we will all go back next year and just realise exactly how much we've grown, hahas xD What am I saying? Nonetheless, it was a great day! And I'm just feeling so tired now :(

Short post on Divergent ^^

Divergent yesterday!! It was so damn good! Hahas xD Like Theo James is the most charismatic guy and Shailene Woodley is pretty. And trust me, I totally ship the both of them!! Four and Tris, hehe ;) Now, I just can't wait for Insurgent to come out!! Well, tons of great movies but I just don't have the time to watch :( After Os, I just got to watch all of them!! :D

Xinthesis

Shall do Xinthesis first, since Media Camp is quite a long post and I'm just being lazy, hehe~
Shall not talk about how pekcek I got with people's attitude but instead focus on the entire event. I should have just gotten the tickets and went in like that. That way I would have seen the entire performance without getting blocked :( But anyways, good job to the performers, volunteers, emcees and definitely the Media crew!
I wouldn't say that I did alot for the event, but I definitely didn't just sit there and do nothing! Had so much fun time talking with the juniors!!
Okay, I know Jerome is annoying but if you really see his seriousness when it comes to the duty, you would actually think that he's a total different person. Yeah, he's cheeky at times but he can really be a caring junior. I know that he was probably worried(?) that I was only eating waffle for dinner and that I was very pekcek. And he said that I wad a good senior! Hahas, overall he's actually not that bad!!
Mika! I have no idea what to say about him. He is seriously annoying at times, if he were to tease me or whatsoever. But I know that he's just having fun with me. I have no idea why but he actually looks cute, hahas! If he can stop saying me then maybe he's better than Jerome, oops x.x But I really love joking with him!!
I don't know why but I really love talking to Jerel, hahas~ I got to know more about how he feels about me as a senior (and I'm glad that he feels that I'm a good senior)!! And well, I feel more comfortable talking to him. Hahas, it's only one duty and why do I feel like we've gotten so much closer?
Bryan is really a quiet guy but when you get to know him, he can actually joke. He was probably very sian, well I know everyone is, and he kept saying that he wants to sleep but it's either too bright or too noisy. Hahas, he is really cute at times!!
I just realise that I had been interacting with all of the sec 2 (except for Rivienne, since she was upstairs) and I really really can't imagine the day when I'm gonna graduate. It's really fun interacting with them, you get to see another side of you from them and well, you can joke around with them like nobody's business. They probably judge when I start bhb-ing but really, by the end of the day, I'm still a good senior to them!! Or maybe they were just trying to comfort me since I was complaining alot just now. Hahas.
I wouldn't remember what we say or do today but I would remember that I didn't waste any time at all today. I would probably miss the sec 2s the most when I graduate! :(
Overall, today may have started off bad, but really, it all ended well with a great dinner with Jingying, Kevin, Junjie and Mika! Times spent with these people are seriously the best!

Awkwardness

I have absolutely no way to express my hatred towards awkwardness. And what's worse is the fact that I hate it more if I'm the one that's awkward. But the thing is if you're not awkward with me, I don't see the need to be awkward. And yet, when one is awkward with me, I just seem to adopt a "heck-care" attitude. I don't know. It's irritating. I find it irritating too. Why do people have to be awkward with one another? Why does awkwardness even exists? Why can't we all be just free and joke around as and when we like?
I know that you wanted to take a picture. I saw it. And yet, I was avoiding it. Don't ask me why. Cos' I don't know. I just didn't want to. The atmosphere wasn't so bad and yet, after that, I just felt awkward. Like to the max. I've never felt so awkward, okay?
I'd rather you hate me. Do you understand? Why can't you just hate me? After all the things that I've done. You just want me to feel guilty, don't you? Damn it. I'm serious. I would really rather you hate me. I would rather not receive any of the presents. I would just rather be strangers. I don't know. A week holiday. And yet there's camp.
I need to talk to someone about this. I just can't. This sucks. Totally.

Xinfony

Met up with Yunjing at around 4.30 and I  sweae the weather was killing me :/ But nonetheless we stayed in the mall and it wasn't that bad, hehe. Then we left for PLMGS and that was when (according to Yunjing) all the suay-ness started. (And seriously, I'm getting a phobia of all this, lol)
We met the entire clique on the bus and seriously, it was awkward. Awkward like shit. But it wasn't that bad, at least I can still joke around with Yunjing. Then we walked in and decided to wait for Lydia, Huising and Kenneth. So we sat and watched the concert. Hahas, had to wait till intermission before we can sit with Xuan.
After intermission, we had to steal others sit (omg, I feel bad), but yeahh... It doesn't matter, hehe. And after the whole thing finished, I never felt so awkward in my entire life, okay? Yunjing texted Yifeng saying that she wanna take a pic with him and she included my name. And the next moment, it's like the entire clique knows. Okay, seriously?! Do you really have to show your phone? And later it gets awkward cos' I wanted a picture with him too but it's too awkward. Like seriously awkward. I've never feel so awkward in my entire life, lol.
Either way, I just wanna say that the band performance was awesome, and that I've experienced the most awkward times in my life. Hah.

Done.

I have no idea what the hell is going on. And I'm sick and tired of guessing. Not gonna care, not gonna bother. It's not like this things wouldn't get better, right? You always say that time fixes everything, then just let it be. Come to think of it, I'm probably more used to this silence now then to talk.
Maybe I've pms before so many times. And well, people often has those times. I'm not blaming you or anything. Just you can't say that I was the one who didn't wanna talk this time round. Cos' you are the one. You can't always just vent it on me when you don't have enough sleep. I don't know. Maybe I should have gotten used to it, shouldn't I?
And well, about him. Yeah, those times when you just don't wanna talk or hear about him. Maybe this is the time. Then it will seem like my fault. I don't know. I just don't feel like talking about him, okay? But you can say, it's not like I'll do anything. Because haven't you been doing that since in the past?
I'm sick and tired of everything now. Do whatever you want, I'm not gonna bother for now. Just let me get this feeling over, and maybe by then, your so-called correct timing would have arrived.

Camp..

Holidays are coming soon and that just means that camp is also coming soon. To be honest, I'm not exactly looking forward to camp though I'm part of the ones that are planning. It's just... Everything seemed so sian and the fact that camp comm aren't that bonded just makes it more sian. Looking back at the previous batches, their camps are so much more successful. But I know the thing that I can look forward to camp would be the night time when we can all just enjoy the night breeze and talk. Maybe, by then, we all will be bonded, hahas.

Birthdayyyyy~

Thankyouuuu to all those who made this day such a wonderful day! Regardless if you were the first one to wish me once the clock struck twelve, or if you gave me such cute and prettyyyy presents, thankyouuuu all for it!! But really, now I'm just wondering how I'm supposed to repay all of you for these presents :( Hahas, but I'll manage!!
Nothing much to say, since E-Hist is tomorrow, damn :/ But still, just one last thing! It's almost like a birthday wish come true. How long have we not talk? And yet, we're talking like nothing has went wrong, and for that I'm thankful. To both of you. I'm sorry for whatever happened before, and I promised I won't let that happen!! Thankyouuuu for gving me such great birthday present!
Let's just hope this week come to an end quickly and smoothly!! ^^

Wishlist

Hmm... End of February and it's the start of March tomorrow. Time simply flies. After a blink of an eye, 2 months have just passed, just like that. Though time passes so slowly each day, when you look at an overall, it's as though time really can fly.
Hahas, since March is my birthday month, I should probably get a wishlist up but the thing is I don't really know what I want. I mean, I have nothing in mind in particular now (other than getting my voice back and that I can recover from this damn cold). But maybe just one thing. One thing... That I know is impossible...
To mend a broken friendship. Or wait, is that even broken? How do I put it? I don't know... But do you have any idea how important this friendship is to me? I don't know if it means equally important to you, but it just means so much that I can't help but be bothered by it. I often ask myself why do I even bother. Why do I feel bothered when you simply walk past me without a 'hi'? Why do I feel bothered when you don't talk to me? You're just another friend, aren't you? Wrong, you aren't just another friend. We were once so close, what happened? If there's anything that a wishlist can grant me, I would want this. I want us to go back to normal, to go back to the past, where we can crap about anything at anytime at anywhere. I want us to joke around, talk just like friends. I wanna go out with you to eat subway and bitch about people. I want our friendship back. Can I get that as my birthday present? Please...?

Memories :(

Walking past that road that we used to do in the morning when going to school brings back so many memories. To be honest, I wouldn't be so bothered in the past, but now. I miss those times. Alot. Back then, we had so much to talk about. We crap, we bitch about people, we crack jokes. Now, it's simply just a 'hi' or a 'bye'. I hate this. Alot. Why can't we be like before? But then again, I don't know how to start a topic with you now. Or should I say, since the start, I've never really started the topic and come to think of it now. I'm sorry. Really. I don't know if you feel this way. Hah. Maybe not.
拥有了就不会珍惜. That describes me. Really. When I don't have it, I'll complain and nagged about it over and over again. But when I have it, I won't cherish it at all. Maybe partly is just me being this way, causing us to be like this. But if both makes an effort to maintain the friendship, I'm sure this wouldn't happen. I don't want to leave this school with regret. And you seem to be the biggest problem. Can you please help me with it? I can't work on this problem. It takes two hands to clap. I really want you back in my life. Can we restart?

Regret

Don't you have those moments whereby you've said something and you just wished that you didn't say it? I have. Most of the time.
It comes to a point whereby I really hated myself for saying out what I really felt. Why can't I just shut my mouth about it? If I didn't say it, would there by a different ending?
I don't know. And all I know is that this is a contributing factor. The reason why we're awkward. The reason why things are just not the same. You seemed to be the one who caused it.
Why did I tell you to go talk to him about it? Why did I ask you to do it on my behalf? Why can't I just solve things by myself, without your help? Why? Why? Why?
You might think that you've helped me, but I on the other hand, feel like you've ruined it. Everything was supposed to be fine but now, it just isn't. Really, it just isn't.

I'm sorry :(

Yeah, I know, it's probably all my fault. All cos' of my temper, my stubborness and well, just me, that caused everything to be like that. I don't know... 5 months, close to half a year already. That's just how long it has been, and to be honest, I missed you alot. I don't wanna just say hello whenever we walked past each other, or smiles or just something small. I want us to go back like before. That close, talking over the phone, texting, talking crap, I want that.
I don't know if we can ever do that again. But I know that I want that. Very badly. I can talk to anyone or everyone, but opening up is another different thing. We were this close and now? Drifting apart is one thing I dread the most, but then again, is this caused by me? I guess. I'm sorry that everything became like that. I truly am. I don't know how I'm gonna make it up. Maybe one day we're gonna talk about this matter and laugh it off. Or maybe we're not gonna keep in touch anymore.
You're someone I can't lose. Really. You're one of those that I don't ever wanna lose. You're one of those that I wanna still keep in touch after Secondary School. You're one of those that are just precious to me. I miss you. I miss us. Doing everything - spending time at subway, talking crap over the phone, me complaining to you.We can talk about anything and everything. And now?
I know I should probably start doing something, and believe me I'll change, but somehow... It's just hard. I know you understand, which made me feel even bad. Let me just get my thoughts sorted out, maybe by then, we're gonna solve this? I really hope that we're gonna solve this. I want us back, can?
But for now, I just wanna apologise. For everything. I'm sorry for screwing things up. I'm sorry for causing this drift between us. You may not blame me, but I blame myself for all these. I'm sorry. I will try. I just need to get us back together.
I'm sorry. Really.

I just don't understand...

Title says it all. I just don't understand. Lol. Wtf has our conversation got to do with you? So what if I skipped training just to talk to him, do you have a problem? I wasn't even complaining when our HOD scolded us, cos' I know I was in the wrong. So what the hell do you wanna know? Does it have anything to do with you? Lol? You have no rights, absolutely no rights to interfere with anything. Wtf? You make me feel sick, totally.
But anyways, talking to him was simply NOT because I wanna skip training or whatsoever. I was helping Jingying, but I bet that will seem like an excuse to you, won't it? So, I don't think there's a need to explain so much to you, like, explain to me what's the point, when you are already biased against me? Ohplease, and I know that you are biased against me, like who the hell can't tell about that? But idgaf, I really don't.
And adding on to it, to you. I don't understand everything that's going on between us. I know that you're unhappy with me for talking to him. I know that, like who wouldn't be unhappy if one of your friends talk to the guy that you like. But please, I don't care what info you got, just clarify with me first before showing me 'face'. You say that things would be better with you soon, but get this straight, it's not just if you would get better, what about me? I don't think I deserve a freaking attitude from you. AT ALL. Like tell me wtf did I do? You merely listened to another person's POV and what about me? I intended to tell you, I really intended to tell you about our conversation, but after yesterday, I've no idea what to say to you. At all. You just make me feel awkward somehow.
Just gonna say this. Yes, I know I'm at fault. If people start scolding me about this, I wouldn't be angry at them, in fact, I will reflect. I know I've gone too far by skipping training and so on. But please, just give me my privacy. Who the fck do you think you are to interfere with my conversations with others? Regardless if you are helping someone, or if you are just curious, just respect my privacy. Cos' I will only respect people when I've received respect.

Tired :(

It's only like the first official week of school and I'm already tired. Maybe I've been stressing too much over the A Maths supp. exam that's on Saturday, but still, I just can't help but panic, though I think I've done alot. It's just..  I don't have confidence :( And then, the next big "exciting" event would be the release of O levels results and no, I don't wanna know my results. I just... I just can't :( What if I'm forced to drop HCL?! I don't knowwwwww~
But there's one good news in the entire week, and well, I can't help it but wait for camp to arrive. Somehow. But I still hate camps, hah. It's just... Okayy, I just hope things go smoothly for camp. I just need it to go smoothly for that 3D2N and I'll be happy enough, reallyyyy!!
And well, heard that you might wanna go Poly, regardless what it is, I wish you luck in whatever you do! ;)
So sick and tired of Maths now, that I just need a break from all this, but this is only the starting, lol. Oh and Geog, damn, I haven't start on anything. Can't I just drop Geog?

2014!!

So, this is the first post of 2014 and well, it seems that I haven't been blogging, so I'm backk ;) It's the official 2nd day of school and well... Let's just say things aren't really going to plan. I mean studies are rather on pace, but problems do arise and I just don't understand why.
I've been emphasizing on the fact that I hate awkwardness so often that I feel sick of saying it. People getting awkward with me for no reason makes me pekcek. But can you blame me? I don't understand why we're awkward. Is it because you feel like we don't give you a chance to talk about him? But then again, who can ever stop you from saying the things you wanna say? It's true though, that the topics simply run out easily and quickly if we don't talk about him. But what can I do? I've got absolutely nothing to talk about him and the things you talk about are like... I don't knowwww~ I don't wanna know, either. It's just the start of school, and this happen. And it seems as though it's my fault. Yes, I admit, I got pekcek with you, but that's because you started all these awkward things, like can you blame me for getting pekcek? But people should know that I can't tolerate awkwardness, or have you not been listening whenever I talk as usual? I don't know... I wanted 2014 to be a rather peaceful year so that I can focus on the Os and now? Really, I wouldn't be bothered anymore. Do whatever you like. Talk to us whenever you feel like it. Just do what you want.
And well, next Monday is the release of O level results and to be honest, I'm not looking forward to the day. Or should I say that I'm dreading that day :( You see, that day is the one and only day that I can ever see you and after that, I don't know when can I ever see you, or worse, I might not even see you anymore. But that's only part of the reason. And the other one is taking back Chinese O level results, like, can I don't take back my results? What if I don't get an A1? What if I'm force to drop HCL after studying it for the past few years? I'm really afraid of getting back the results and seeing the marks I get, it's scaryyyyy :/
And maybe I should say some things about Media camp, hahas, no, I'm not looking forward to this camp anymore. Like, it's just very sian. Or should I say I always hated camps, having the suckish groupings and you have to spend the next few days with the group, it's just... Arghhhh :/ And then, this year, most likely I'll be the mentor, and well, I don't expect a camp comm position, hah, but still... I just hate camp. :(
2014 please just be a good year for me. I don't expect much just... Be good for me, and the O level results and taking of O level examinations. It's just stressing, so 2014 please be a good year x.x